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Negative thinking destroys confidence. Learn how to neutralize your negative thinking at the Confident Leader Retreat.

Thanks very much for subscribing to Mind Matters, the newsletter that turns brain research into practical leadership tools. This issue is only 633 words and takes less than 4 minutes to read.

Later in this issue, are you thinking about attending the Confiident Leader Retreat, but not sure it's for you? Join my free teleclass on April 21st to get a sample of the tools we'll practice on the retreat.

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You Can’t Myth It

To help leaders experience authentic confidence, I first have to correct the confusion about it. Allow me to debunk five myths about confidence.

Myth # 1 You’re either born confident or not.

Since confidence is a belief, and beliefs are thoughts, you couldn’t be born with the thoughts, “I’m right” or “I know the best approach.” Confidence comes from faith in yourself, and faith relates to how you think about yourself.

Myth # 2 I need more experience to be a truly confident leader.

I won’t argue that over time in a job, a leader gains knowledge, skills and practice that may lead to more confident thoughts like, “This happened before, and I know what to do.”

However, familiarity doesn’t necessarily breed confidence. It’s sad to say, but many of the high-profile leaders I’ve coached---people you’d assume are confident based on their position in an organization---have very little self-assurance.

You’d never know it by looking at them, but many successful leaders are plagued with self-doubt and inner conflict. Their lack of confidence isn’t due to a lousy track record in the outer world.

It’s due to self-judgment and negative thinking in their inner world. No matter what they accomplish, it’s never enough. Self-loathing undermines their confidence.

So, don’t expect more time on the job to equal more confidence.

Myth # 3 Confident leaders are arrogant.

Are you thinking, “I don’t want to come across like a pompous jerk”?

Of course, you don’t. I’m not recommending that you be overconfident or pretentious.

We’ve all seen someone overdo confidence. It’s not a pretty sight.

• Egotistical and overbearing.
• Always the center of attention.
• Talks endlessly about their big wins even if those were years ago.

Self-important behavior often means, in reality, that the person is insecure and has to keep bringing up triumphs in order to feel worthy.

A secure person doesn’t feel compelled to blab ad infinitum about his greatness. Instead, he shares the limelight with others. And, after a win is sufficiently acknowledged and celebrated, he moves on to accomplish the next one.

Myth # 4 Confident leaders have to be super positive cheerleaders all the time.

Relax. You don’t have to be positive.

I mean it. Don’t even try to get yourself fired up, even if you think that’s the best way to fire up your team, so that they can fire up the customers.

Fake fires don’t work.

If they did, you could just walk out in the hall right now and start yelling, “Go team, go!,” and everyone would snap to attention and start working with wild enthusiasm.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Confidence isn’t about gushing with gusto all the time.

Confidence means trusting yourself.

More often than not, confidence feels calm on the inside and even looks neutral on the outside.

Myth # 5 I can fake confidence until I really feel it.

Sometimes a leader will try to look confident on the outside even though she has doubts on the inside. Unfortunately, the doubts and negative thinking will sabotage her behavior.

She might think that she’s fooling people. But if she’s uncertain, it’ll come across in her actions. People will sense her doubt and won’t want to follow her lead.

So, don’t try to fake it till you make it as a leader.

Just be yourself, and be aware of your thinking. You’re rarely undone by what’s happening; it’s what you think about what’s happening that confuses and weakens you.

I'd love to hear your ideas. Send me your thoughts or questions about confidence.

The latest news:

• Registration is now open for the Confident Leader Retreat on June 11, 2009 in Albuquerque. This is the second retreat in the Calm Confident Power series. You'll learn how to neutralize negative thinking (yours and others) and how to be naturally confident. If you've ever seen me do The Work with a leader, you know how powerful the tool is in uncovering natural confidence.

  
  

• For a free, no-risk introduction to neutralizing negative thinking and being naturally confident, join for my free teleclass on April 21st. You'll learn how to quickly identify and investigate negative thoughts, and regain your confidence.

  
  

• I’m working in Washington, DC from May 15 to 29. If you want to arrange a meeting or schedule a customized retreat for your organization, please contact me.

Suzanne Kryder, Ph.D.
P.O. Box 35429
Albuquerque, NM 87176 USA
505.232.8433

P.S. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you can listen to or download a 10-minute guided exercise on breath awareness here.

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