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My mother used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

As a result, my siblings and I didn’t talk much!

Read on for the scientific case against emotion suppression.

Thanks very much for subscribing to Mind Matters, the newsletter that turns brain research into practical leadership tools. This issue is only 725 words and takes less than 4 minutes to read.

Later in this issue, the Mind to Lead opens an office in Washington, D.C.

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Put a Lid on It

Emotions, particularly unpleasant ones, are an undeniable part of the workday, whether it’s your emotions or the emotions of your direct reports. Instead of taking my Mom’s advice and suppressing your emotions, the Mind to Lead model teaches you to experience and express your emotions more clearly.

Leaders often tell me, “I don’t do feelings at work.” However, research shows that leaving your feelings at home isn’t such a good idea.

In a study at Stanford University, Emily Butler and colleagues (2003) examined “expressive suppression,” or consciously inhibiting emotional expression. They wanted to know what happens in the body when a person intentionally represses strong emotions.

For the study, pairs of subjects watched an upsetting documentary about nuclear bombs being dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II.

Throughout the film and a later conversation, researchers measured the subjects’ blood pressure. Blood pressure is sensitive to emotional conversations, perceived threat, and attempts to suppress emotion.

Before the pairs started talking, the researchers, via headphones,told one person how to come across in the conversation.

Faking It

People who got the suppression instruction were asked to act like they weren’t feeling any emotions. After the conversation, all of the subjects took a series of written assessments to measure what they thought and felt about each other.

The study had several interesting results that might have meaning for your difficult conversations.

People who repressed their feelings---the suppressors---had:

• Higher levels of distraction during the conversation. So, suppressing honest emotions makes it harder to focus.

• Significantly less positive emotions and more negative emotions about their partner (Butler et al, 2003). Faking it makes you dislike the person you’re talking with!

What happened in their partners?

• The partners felt less rapport with the suppressors and weren’t interested in ever speaking with them again.

• The partners who interacted with a suppressor had the highest blood pressure.

So, even though you might suppress emotions in hopes of experiencing less stress, this study shows that doesn’t work.

Instead, emotion suppression can actually increase the unpleasantness and ineffectiveness of the interaction for both the suppressor and the other person (Butler et al, 2003). Not a good outcome if you’re trying to connect with and motivate people to follow your lead.

Tell It Like It Is

What to do?

Use communication tools that help you honestly express your feelings without coming across as either a crybaby or an ogre.

In my monthly newsletters this year, I’m looking forward to showing you how to do just that by training your mind to lead. So, stay tuned for more tips. In the meantime, email me your thoughts or questions about emotion suppression.

Two news items:

• Registration for the Confident Leader Retreat on June 11, 2009 in Albuquerque will open soon. This one-day retreat teaches you to keep your blood pressure down by expressing your emotions. Information on Confident Leader retreat

• I’m opening a Mind to Lead office in Washington, DC in May to make it easier to serve clients on the east coast. If you’re on the east coast or know someone there who might be interested in our leadership retreats or training, please contact me.

Butler, Emily A., Egloff, Boris, Wilhelm, Frank H., Smith, Nancy C., Erickson, Elizabeth A., and Gross, James. J. The social consequences of expressive suppression. Emotion (2003) 3(1) 48-67.

Best wishes,
Suzanne

Suzanne Kryder, Ph.D.
P.O. Box 35429
Albuquerque, NM 87176 USA
505.232.8433

P.S. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you can listen to or download a 10-minute guided exercise on breath awareness here.

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