Listen to excerpts from a radio interview with Suzanne Kryder, Ph.D. by Carol Boss. You'll hear leaders describe their difficult conversations at work and get neuroleadership coaching from Suzanne. The interview aired on Women's Focus on public radio affiliate KUNM FM 89.9, Albuquerque, New Mexico, June 2006. (This is a 13-minute sample of the 50-minute program. You can sample segments of the entire program here.
What is a dreaded conversation? Any work conversation that people postpone because they imagine a negative outcome. Some of the most common conversations that people dread include:
Why do people dread these conversations? Most of us haven’t had much training or experience with telling the truth in a neutral, firm way. Because we don’t have many positive experiences around honesty to reflect back on, we imagine the worst possible outcome will happen in difficult situations. It's common to write a script in your mind where you're the good guy, the other person is the bad guy, and the story always has an unhappy, sometimes tragic ending. Whenever you have the thought, “Maybe I should talk with him about this,” your mind replays the sad story, and you talk yourself out of trying. The story immobilizes you even though you know the situation won’t improve without some kind of action. The longer you delay the conversation, the more you dread the situation, and the more it drains your energy. And, the situation usually gets worse. Have you written a book? I'm currently writing a book about my neuroleadership coaching model titled, The Mind to Lead: Coaching for Calm, Confident Power. I also wrote an ebook titled, Transforming Dreaded Conversations into Dynamic Collaboration at Work. For more information,
click here.
I use a variety of innovative communication technologies including Emotional Intelligence, Appreciative Inquiry, The Work, and Nonviolent Communication blended with organizational development approaches such as Resilient Leadership, Process Intervention, and High Impact Teams. I use these techniques to help people develop personal qualities like courage, precision, and firmness so that they can ask for what they want without being a wimp or a bully. I help people manage the unpleasant physical sensations of dread like a racing heart, tight muscles, or upset stomach as well as mental duress like negative thoughts. Then I give them very specific tools to handle worse case scenarios. I help them practice what they will do regardless of how the other person responds for example, if he yells, cries, storms out of the room, ignores you, or changes the subject. I also help teams learn to communicate honestly in meetings and hold each other accountable for commitments. Are you a therapist or psychologist? No. My doctorate is in health education with a minor in organizational behavior. Do you do mediation? No. It’s like asking a dietician if she does liposuction. Her work prevents the need for liposuction. My work prevents the need for mediation. While mediation is an extremely valuable tool, organizations can’t afford to hire a mediator for every workplace disagreement. The need for mediation declines as leaders and teams learn to communicate in appropriate, honest ways. Big problems start out as small problems. I help people address problems when they are small. Who do you work with? Leaders and teams specifically Senior Management Teams, Project Teams, Virtual Teams, Nonprofit Executive Directors and Boards of Directors, Professionals-turned-Leaders (academics, physicians, lawyers, accountants, and scientists promoted to management positions), and small business owners. What types of situations do you address? Lack of teamwork, unresolved differences, lack of accountability, low morale, groupthink (pretending to agree due to fear of reprisal), triangulation (indirect communication through a third party), outbursts (due to lack of emotional intelligence and boundaries), and ineffective communication culture (gossip, dishonesty, ridicule, and distrust). What kinds of changes do people report from working with you?
Since 1992, Suzanne Kryder, Ph.D. has been president of a leadership training and coaching company, Suzanne Kryder, Inc. She completed a doctorate in health education with a minor in organizational behavior at the University of New Mexico in 1989. Prior to starting her business, she taught in higher education and was a manager in health care and business settings. She is a graduate of Corporate Coach University and a licensed facilitator of The Coaching Clinic. For more information on Suzanne,
click here.
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